Your Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven

I just finished the book "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and it really had me thinking. He challenges the readers in the end to stop talking and brainstorming how to live radically but to DO it. To let the Spirit work in us and live accordingly. It made me look around me and realize that the place I am living is set up how Christ desired us to live. I am currently living in Mexico at Foundation for His Ministries. Its a large ministry that began as an orphanage. Now it is not only an orphanage but they have ministries that reach out to the surrounding community surrounding, they are training missionaries, they have a school, a clinic, a school for the physically and mentally disabled, an ambulance ministry and much more. People know they can come here and we will do anything in our power to help. Orphans find a home here, ex-gang members and drug addicts are accepted with open arms. The hungry are fed, the sick are tended after. If you have extra you give it to those in need. You can look into the eyes of the people here and see JOY because they experience it. I cannot express what an incredible place it is. If you have never been here COME, see it for yourself. You will NEVER be the same!

Men where are you?

My heart is aching within me today. I have heard too many stories, seen too many sights, experienced too much pain. I'm going to be completly honest here with a struggle I have been trying to deal with, I am losing my trust in men. How could I not when I see these little girls before me who have been raped, molested, abandon, abused by the men who are supposed to be caring for them? Or women whose husbands leave them alone with their children to go after another woman? I have come to the point that I look at every man wondering what secret he's holding. It breaks my heart as I hear about girls being taken as slaves, little girls. I know I'm wrong, please prove me wrong. I want nothing more than to be proved wrong, to be shown that out there there are men, amazing, trust worthy, faithful, godly men. I know there are, there have been some that have been in my life and I am so very thankful for them because they are the ones who give me hope. All this thinking leads me to the next part. Men, I am pleading, I am begging with everything in me, show the world that you're out there. Be involved in the lives of children and youth. Our children are so desperate for male role models. Our boys need to be taught how to be gentlemen, how to be fathers. Our girls need to know what its like to have a man that truly loves them so they can stop running after what we have believed is love, but is so very far from it. Everyday you have the opportunity to be the difference. "Be the change you wish to see in the world" My favorite Gandhi quote. My heart is so broken over this.

(When I say that this happened to the girls that are right in front of me PLEASE take this as figurative. I mean the girls all over the world... not specifically here! My girls stories are confidential and I wouldn't share anything about their lives on here!)

"My God can provide."

We walk into the gate leading into their yard of dirt. The mother looking bashful and hesitant to invite us in and the children peering shyfully through the open door of their house. Ducks hiss angerly as the children with barefeet giggle and run around nearby. Inside the house are bare dirt floors a stove, a pile of clothes, and one bed. One bed for a family of 10. The thing that stands out the most however, are the smiles. The little childrens' smiles. They aren't crying out to us that they have been abandon by their own father, or that a young boy has to earn the family income, or even that they don't have enough money to eat everyday, they just smile with their child like joy. As we play and chat with the children my friend talks to the mother with a broken heart. She tells this woman, "My GOd can help you. My God can provide for you." My friend doesn't say this as a good line, a line she once heard in training, or knowledge that she learned from the Bible. She says it out of a heart that has experienced it. Who can say without any doubt in her mind because she's LIVED it. She has experienced having NOTHING and having to turn to God for EVERYTHING. She's had to trust completely and fully in the One who will not let her down. So now she can go, she can look into the eyes of the hurting and say with all certainty, "My God can provide for you." It convicted me so much. Can I look into the eyes of the poor and say that? Can I tell them that my God can provide for them, with a heart CONVINCED of that? Or have I only known the words and continued to rely on my own wealth, my own finances? Do I truly trust in the God who can provide? These are the thoughts that are challenging me so.

Wheel Chair races...

Her eyes look sunken and dull, not like her normal joyful smiling brown eyes. She doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to play, all she wants is to be held. She wraps herself around my body and burries her face into my chest. Her body is so hot that it makes me start to feel nauseous. I carry her around everywhere and spend as much time as I can cuddled up on the couch with her. When she's not on my hip she's burrying her face into my legs or holding onto the pockets of my clothing connected to me like an additional appendage, as I cook, as I wash dishes, as I fold laundry. Wednesday morning I felt so exhausted, I wanted nothing more than to sleep in. I tried to reason my way out of getting out of bed, but when the children waking up for school depends on you, there is no good enough reason. So I slipped into the dark of Esmerelda's room to wake her up at 5:20 and found Nancy laying in her bed awake. She had hardly slept the night before and when she saw me she immediately extended her arms for me to scoop her up. She was miserable. I snuggled her up on the couch with me and put on some Rugrats and continued on to make myself some coffee and straighten up the kitchen when I heard her little voice whimper "sam!" When I went to check on her blood was streaming down from her nose. My poor little baby is so sick!

Lately I've been so exhausted that I feel like sometimes I'm just existing. So staying up until 11 playing games with friends for my birthday did not help when I had to wake up at 5 the next morning. As I sat with my very sick baby on the couch I prayed to God, "Lord I don't know how I'm going to make it through this day." I stayed with the kids as they woke up and continued caring for Nancy until 6:30 when I had to leave to pick up the children for daycare. I have begun driving the school bus to bring the kids to the daycare Wednesday mornings. I really enjoy it because I enjoy seeing where the kids come from and seeing their bright smiles early in the morning. The roads however are not so enjoyable. All of the roads are gravel and extremely bumpy. I drive as slow as necessary and still the kids are getting thrown around. When I finally got back to the mission with them it was already time for Sala so I quickly returned to my house to gather my own children to go. After talking with the doctor we decided it necessary to take Nancy to the clinic so at 9 I once again scooped up my munchkin and carried her all the way to the clinic. None of my kids had school Wednesday and so after returning from the clinic I took a couple of the girls to run errands with me gathering stuff for Magai's birthday party. I couldn't believe how quickly the morning flew and before I knew it it was lunch time. I had been promising some of the children from the disabled class that I'd come play with them soon and so after lunch I took my girls to play with them. Each of the disabled children have a specially made bike for their condition, those who do not have any use of their legs pedal with their hands, some who do not have balance have straps to hold them on. It's so wonderful so we joined them as they played on their bikes. My girls and I decided to have races with them around the mission so my girls ran and the other girls biked. I noticed my girls kept winning and so I decided to pair them up, one of my girls with one of the others. It was so cute watching my girls hang on the backs of the other girls bikes pushing them so that they could move faster or jumping aboard and going along for the ride. Everyone laughed and really enjoyed themselves. Their differences didn't matter, they just had fun. When it was time for the children from the day home to return back to their classes I took my girls to lay out in the grass with our snacks. We relaxed a few minutes and then began playing tag. When we finally returned to the house I was pooped. The rest of the afternoon consisted mostly of caring for my sick little Nancy and then I went out for dinner with my dear friend Paulette and her husband and daughter who are here visiting this week. It was a great time of fellowship with them! When 8 oclock came around I could think of nothing but sleep but two of my girls who are really struggling in math had tests to study for so I ended up staying up until 10 studying with them. Do you know how hard it is to explain math you don't really know how to do yourself, in spanish, in a way that a child understands when you're so tired you cannot even think? It's not fun and my poor Esme probably didn't learn a thing but alas I went to bed with a very content heart. It was a good day.