The diverse beautiful body of Christ

This year has been a crazy adventure, one in which I can look back and see God's hand every step of the way. Let me tell you though, it has not been easy. I am not sure if I have cried as much in my whole life as I have these past months. I feel as though God is breaking me down only to build me back up HIS way. One thing God has been teaching me over and over is to let go and allow others to love me. Love me? This is something I have struggled with my whole life. I have built up the walls so high, only reaching out to love others but am SO terrified of needing love in return. I went through a pretty rough break down where I was on the verge of burnout and really wrestling with questioning if anyone cared about me. I felt as though so many were asking of me but there was no one reaching out to love me. I remember laying in bed one night in tears when God asked me why I was looking at love as one sided. He filled my mind with the beautiful faces of precious teens and children in my life who loved me so deeply and showed me in any way that they coul; through hugs and kisses, encouraging texts, drawings, etc. In that moment I realized love is not one sided, you don't separate the people you love and the people who love you, love is reciprocal. Today as I stood in front of church and stared out into the congregation of such a diverse mix all I could see were the beautiful smiles of a group of people who loved me and supported me 100%. They shared with me that they had come together to raise support for my trip to Guatemala. My church is not a wealthy church, we are all struggling financially but everyone gave and I know for many of them that giving meant sacrifice. This group of people, my church, come from such different backgrounds yet Christ has brought them together to be a family and family is what they are to me. In this tiny little church, in one of the most violent neighborhoods of Chicago, I have found the gems of the city, I have found the body of Christ.

Support me?

Dear friends and family, As many of you already know I will be spending my summer in Guatemala working with a Therapist learning how to do therapy with children in orphanages. This has been my life long dream as I spent almost 3 years working with children in orphanages as well as other contexts and witness the horrific abuse these children had faced in their pasts. Many children in orphanages have pasts of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse and they need people to help them work through the pain of their pasts so that they can find healing and freedom in the present. With this training I hope to continue to dedicate my life to working with children who have been abused whereever the Lord leads me. Here is the catch..I'm only one person. I'm in school, working nearly all of my free time to save up, as well as constantly doing ministry here in Chicago with children. I rarely have a spare second for myself. As hard as I try to do everything and not ask for help, the truth is I cannot. I can't afford to go to Guatemala when all of my savings go to paying my school bill, and I cannot afford to not work all summer and pay my school bill. PLEASE pray about supporting me in all of this. Those who know me know that I am not doing this for myself, I am doing it for these children. Would you be interested in helping support these children, they deserve it, trust me. Thank you, Sama.

Blinded with apathy

It's 7:40 and I am up and ready long before I need to be with these gnawing thoughts causing a constant restlessness in my heart. I continually have to pray that the Lord would humble my heart and help me not to let bitterness creep in. This bitterness is something I have fought against a lot of my life as my eyes have seen too much. Too much? Have I really seen too much or have I finally gotten a glimpse of reality? God pulled me out of my comfort zone many years ago and opened my eyes to the pain around me and that pain has haunted me since. I cannot seem to just naively blindfold myself in my own pleasures day after day anymore. The things of this world, the superficial plastic pleasures that this world has to offer have no affect on me. I know people probably look at me and think I am too serious and need to kick back and relax, but I do not think this is the case. I do not spend day after day sadly looking at the world around me in defeat, quite the opposite actually. As I have stopped running from the uncomfortable I have come to realize the beauty in it. I do not live a single day in guilt with this burdensome task, for it is no burdensome task at all! Lately I cannot sleep at night as I anxiously think about the day that has passed and anticipate the day to come. I am reminded in the mornings that although the world seems dark and so hopeless at times, my God reigns and He has conquered the darkness! So what is it that I am struggling with do you ask? I am struggling with complacency and apathy around me. How have we been given this hope within us and this exciting mission before us and yet so many just sit and talk about it? Why do we talk about our "calling" and the "mission field" as though it is something we find, or something we need to go to? The mission field is right before our eyes? Every person we pass, every interaction we have THERE is our calling! How prideful we have become to think that God has this special, set about route for us, that takes years of discovery and a series of inexplicable events to find! He has given us our calling and that is to love and I believe that as we live in that love he opens up doors of opportunity to love more. John 13:34-35 says "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way that I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples-when they see the love you have for each other." Love is not this fluffy feeling, love spurrs us into action, love fights for people, and stands against injustice. Please forgive me if I have allowed pride to once again slip in, or if I speak ignorantly, I know that once I get passionate about something I struggle to hold back so take what I say and challenge it if you so desire, tell me if you disagree but I had to get this off of my chest. I know that I may have come across arrogantly in this and forgive me if that was the case. I don't think that I have figured things out, or that I don't struggle every day with the fight against apathy. There is much that I am convicted with daily. Alright that is the end of my rant for today.