Community.

I sit on my couch in the glow of the Christmas tree as snow falls silently outside, its a winter wonderland.  Outside my neighbor, Darnell shovels our sidewalk and I thank him with some hot cocoa.  My heart is so full in this moment that I must record and capture it as a reminder when things are hard and I just want to quit.  Life here is not always easy, the bullet hole through my mailbox can attest to the deep pain of our community.

Community, I pause when the word comes to my lips, I do not think I have ever understood what that word truly meant until I moved to West Garfield.  I look at my church family and my neighborhood and I see exactly what those words mean.  Community is my neighbor Dave calling us early in the morning after a snow storm to tell us he scraped off our cars.  It's my house full of children sitting with adults who put their life on pause for a couple hours a week to help the them with their homework.  Community is Mr. and Mrs. White, an older couple in our church, who challenged two young men that if they got all A's and B's on their report card they'll pay them $10, and when those young men followed through they lavished them in praise until their cheeks flushed pink.  Community is people coming together to drive Ms Elizabeth to and from her chemo treatments and gathering materials for smoothies because it is the only thing she's been able to keep down. It's Tanya watching a young moms baby so that she can work. It's Michael taking two boys home with him after church to get extra time with them. Community is Anj as she sits and listens, as though nothing else is more important in that moment, as I pour out my heart to her.  It's Michelle as she sets aside extra soap, socks, and gloves for a homeless man in our church family and watching him beam as he receives it.  Commmunity is my deeply loving roommates who happily welcome child after child after child into our home to spend the night.

I could go on and on of all the ways I have seen community lived out in my life and I must praise the Lord because it is through Him we have this.  He has called us into a family so much larger and so much more beautiful than just our biological families.  I believe with all of my heart that this is what He meant when he created the church.

Community

Their van pulled up next to a group of guys who crowded the streets talking loudy, foul language on their lips.  I could see the fear and hesitation in my cousins eyes as their children filed out of the car.  "Is our stuff okay?"  was one of their concerns as a slew of bikes were strapped to the back of their mini van traveling north.  Just as the last child hopped out, the cops arrived blocking the street cuffing some guys on the block.  My heart sank, of course this would happen today, the day I finally got some family members to come visit my world.  That picture, and that sense of fear will always be what they associate Chicago with, sadly that is all most see, but what I long for is for them to see the beauty.

When moving into the neighborhood, I too was fearful.  I wondered if I could ever be home along and feel safe.  I wondered if I could never go out at night, in fear of being jumped.  I thought I would be greeted with cold stares and hostility, but none of those have been true.  Moving into the neighborhood granted me one of the greatest blessings and that was to see the beauty that so much of the world is missing out on.  We were not greeted with cold stares and hostility, we had neighbors who ran across the street offering to help us move in, who shook our hands welcoming us to the neighborhood and offering that if we ever needed anything they'd be right over.  It wasn't an empty offer either because since that day those very men have come on numerous occassions to help us.  Just the other day we were trying to figure out how to put up our basketball rim and 3 of the guys sat in our yard explaining all that we needed to do it and offering to come back to put it up.  That day while we were gone one of the men returned and weed whacked a spot in our back yard so that the kids could play.

We were given a garden shortly after moving in and each day while we have been out working in the garden, different neighbors have stopped by to introduce themselves and ask about what we are doing.  Some offered to help, some thanked us for what we are doing, and one told us about the pear tree in his yard and told us we could stop by any time we wanted and take pears.  No one has tampered with our stuff, threatened us, or even treated us coldly.  The only things we have ever had stolen was our garbage can and one basketball which was quickly found by one of our child and demanded to be returned.  Our neighbors say hi to us everytime we are outside and care about the small details of our well being such as telling us not to park next to the speed bump fearing our car will be hit.

There is a beauty about this place that is unique, its community.

Our home in Garfield

I'm moving to West Garfield!!

 Yes it's true, I have kept it from most people except for my community down here who have walked the journey with me.  My reasoning for keeping it from people was because up until now nothing was for sure and I wanted to hold my hands loosely around my dreams until the Lord made it clear.  I also held it from people in fear, in fear of what people would think, in fear of causing my loved ones anxiety, in fear of letting people down.  These fears have haunted me for years and have caused me hold back even when I knew God was calling me into the neighborhood.  Finally I decided to stop allowing fear to control me and I stepped out in faith.  I prayed to God that He would make it clear to me if this was where He wanted me, because if not there was no way I was going.  So now let me let you in on a story, a story of God working for many years.

I was living in Africa when God brought a crazy, passionate, Jesus loving young lady into my life.  Her name is Sydney Sample and she had just read the book "Irresistable Revolution."  She had told me to read the book, I think I read a little and stopped, too exhausted with life to read a book.  So while I did not read the book Syd talked often about the book.  It was about a guy Shane who moved into a rough area of Philly where he lived in community with other believers and sought to be neighbors to their community.  They started "The Simple Way" which is a community that still exists that is in this neighborhood and they do a lot of amazing things in the community just by living intentionally and sharing what little they have to meet the needs around them.  The idea thrilled me! Soon four of us, Sydney, Tyler, SayTay and I decided we wanted to start that in Chicago.  We began looking at apartments and dreaming of our life in Chicago where we would live in community and seek to live like the Acts 2 church.

We returned home from Africa and it seemed our dream had dissapated, each of us followed God's leading in different directions and we didn't speak of our dream again.  I followed Jesus' leadng to many countries and it seemed that maybe it just had been a silly dream we made up ourselves; but without my realizing God had planted a seed.

A year later, once again in Africa God pushed me towards Chicago without me even realizing.  The funny thing is my entire life I felt called to Africa and yet God brought me to Africa to call me to Chicago!  He never told me specifically Chicago at that point but He put it on my heart to get my degree in Counseling so that I could further help the children I was working with.  I didn't go right away though, I still had it on my heart that I would work at a children's home in a foreign country so I continued for another year doing that.  Finally after many years I moved to Chicago with the intentions of going to school and getting out of there quick.  God had different plans.

My second week in Chicago God brought me to a church and for the first time in my life I found the church God had been putting on my heart for so long.  I wanted more than just having Bible Studies and programs on given hours with other believers and the occassional outreach,  I wanted to see people whose love for Jesus consumed their entire lives.  I believed so deeply that church was not just a weekly place you went to, but it was a body of believers living life together and allowing Christ to work in and through them all day, everyday, no matter where they were, or what they were doing.  I found this in West Garfield, this small body of believers whose love for Jesus called them to live radically, letting go of the comforts of the American Dream so that they could follow Jesus into this neighborhood that so many wanted to turn a blind eye to.

These people soon became my family.  God began to break my heart for this neighborhood but I still had it on my heart to work in an orphanage overseas so in the summer of 2014 I spent two months in Guatemala and got to do what I dreamed of my entire life; I worked alongside one of the most amazing couples and was able to learn about doing therapy for children in children's homes.  It was incredible and at the end I was asked if I would join them.  It would be the dream I have dreamt of my entire life but yet in the core of my being I knew God was not calling me there, He was calling me to Chicago.  The children were so deeply on my heart that I could think of nothing else.

I had been wanting to move into the neighborhood and so my friends and I looked at apartments and had it lined up that we would be moving in when I got home from Guatemala but then in fear we backed out.  So for another year I ached to live in my neighborhood and prayed that God would bring people into my life who had the same calling who would move into the neighborhood with me. Almost a year later after talking to my church about my desire to move in but having no one to live with my friend Michelle had an idea!  Her children's speach therapist had spoken of looking for a house in the neighborhood!  She didn't know much about her, she wasn't even sure if she was a believer but she told me she was crazy and energetic like me so we would probably get along!  I soon got a call from Lauren and after one conversation I knew God was at work.  She immediately invited me to have dinner with her friends who all lived and worked intentionally in the neighborhood and they met Mondays to share a meal and pray over the community.

I continued to meet with this group on Mondays and got to learn about their hearts for the community as well as get to share with them my heart and about the kids.  Lauren quickly got excited and so I invited her to help out with our camping trips, that summer she went on every camping trip and by the end of the summer her heart had been stolen by the children and she dove right in.  Lauren and I all along had been praying that the Lord would provide us a home in Garfield.  We prayed that the Lord would make it clear to us whether or not we should move there because we only wanted to be lead by Him.  We also prayed that He would shut the door to anything not of Him.  So they journey began and God shut door after door after door.  We went to several houses praying, asking God if it was the house and He made each clear that it wasn't.  At one point we found a house but it was not right by the church and although it was still only within a few blocks, I knew no one on the block.  We had no peace about it and so we turned it down.  After a year of looking and praying Lauren texted me one day to tell me that she put an offer in on a house.  She told me to not even think about it because there was no way we would get it, it was beautiful, and perfect and she put in a low bid;  But our God is not a God who follows human logic.

Lauren got an email that night that they had accepted her offer!!  In the days to come we realized that there were several much higher offers and yet they chose to accept hers.  God gave us the house!  Very soon after Lauren was at an event when her roommate introduced her to a girl she knew and upon hearing that Lauren had just bought a house in Garfield Kate asked "Do you need a roommate?" Lauren laughed because no one ever asks that, it was once again God at work.  Kate too had been praying about moving into the area.

So one Sunday night the three of us got dinner and we talked about our home, all of us had God given dreams of living in the community and having a home that we could open up to our neighbors.  We wanted to have a safe place where children could come and know that they would be received with open arms.  We wanted a home filled with games and toys, a yard full of bikes and balls where children had the freedom to be kids.  We wanted to be plugged into our community and learn what it means to be a neighbor.

The night of the closing our community group gathered on the livingroom floor sharing a meal and lifted our home up to the Lord to use as He pleased.

Just this Sunday after church I received a text from Lauren that she was working at the house and asked me to come help.  I pulled up to find a porch filled with children.  No one told them we were going over there but they had seen Lauren and came over.

The next few hours was spent hanging out on our porch laughing with the children, creating a make shift basketball hoop with a crate on our gate and then the children helped us clean the house.  It was so very clear that we are exactly where God has called us.

The next day we returned to the house again to do some work, as well as invited some friends over for dinner.  As Lauren and I unpacked some belongings from our cars a man on the street offered to help us.  We had just finished unloading her car and forgetting about my car, we told him we were okay.  A few minutes later we returned to my car,probably with looks of defeat as we gazed at my heavy boxes of books!  The same man, who had now returned to his front porch, called out, "I'm coming to help!" Seconds later one of my girls big brothers called out from his porch, "Do you need help?" and immediately joined us grabbing boxes.  The two of them happily unloaded my car and returned to their porches. Before leaving the first man shook my hand introducing himself as Dave and told me he lived across the street.  "If you ever need anything just let me know," He smiled.

I am already in love with our home and so excited about our new world.  I know it won't be easy.  I know there will be times when I will be afraid but I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has lead us here and He has a plan.  God is so good.

Gunshots.

Pow Pow Pow.

The sound came in through my bedroom window as I changed for bed.  "Gunshots or fireworks?" is always my question. The last one had a whistle to it so I shrugged it off as fireworks.  I was about to crawl into bed when the sound of sirens stopped me.  I glanced out my window to the street below and saw cops pulling up, then an ambulance, and then the firetruck.  Still I was in denial that anything happened but as soon as a cop came out of his car armed with a large rifle I knew something was really wrong.  From the living room window my roommate and I could see a body slumped against the wall and the ambulance pulling out a stretcher.  I watched the reactions of everyone out on the streets and no one seemed to be panicked or even acting like a terrible event just occured, they just began to congregate around where the cops began hanging the yellow tape.  Finally we decided to go out and see what was going on.  The neighbors next door shared with us that one of the neighbor boys had just been shot.  An elderly Latin man came by rambling in Spanish visibly upset telling us that the cops were dismissing it as gang violence.  The neighbors quickly became angry.  "Just because he's Latin they dismiss it as gang related!" they fumed, "That boy is not involved in anything bad! He goes to school and comes straight home.  His mama keeps a close eye on her boys."  All the boy had done was left home for a few minutes to get his mom a burger from the food truck parked on the block and he had been shot in the chest. Some speculated that he was mistaken for someone else and that's why he was shot.  No one knew for sure.

As I sat outside I was shocked by how numb I felt. I wasn't panicked. I wasn't fearful.  It just felt so normal and everyone seemed to be responding the same. It wasn't until I finally lay in bed that night that what had happened sunk in and I realized I had grown so numb.  All the years of pain, of seeing horrifying things, and losing people I loved caused me to create a callous around my heart so that I would not have to feel it all but thats not what I want.  I want to feel, I want to be broken over the brokenness of the world.  Just as I desire my children to face into their pain so that they can find healing I want to face into the pain so that Christ can bring healing.

So I allowed myself to feel and it hit me hard.  I cried myself to sleep. I must not have slept well because I woke up the next morning feeling like I had been hit by a bus. I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed all day.  I went about the day in a fog trying to be present but my mind was so so far.  I couldn't stop thinking about that boy, was he okay?  What was his family going through?  What about my boys?  Nowhere is safe.

This is my life, this will be my life. Fear, death, violence, its all around.  Can I keep going? Not even four years in and I've already lost two friends to gun violence and have been at the scene of two others. I'm tired, so very tired.

I sat in my car, wanting nothing more than to sob but I feared if I did I may not be able to stop.  "Jesus I need you, I don't have the strength" I prayed.  How would I run Kids Club when I didn't even have the energy to keep my eyes open or think?

But then the children arrived and the fog lifted and suddenly life became clear again.

God called me to Chicago, He called me to serve these children and I love them more than my own life.  Seeing their faces light up when they see me and holding them in my embrace; watching the walls begin to fall down as they reveal their hearts to me; and seeing them grow in the Lord; its worth it.  They are so worth it.  This is my life here and I am going to live it fighting for these children with everything I have to offer.

Raising Up Men: My first quarterly update

It was Thursday night when I received a text message from Demaj "Hey Samantha can I come to church Sunday?"  He asked.  I was shocked.  Demaj is one of our 7th graders, he has come to church once many months ago and only occassionaly stops in at youth group.  I was shocked because I hadn't heard from him in quite some time and amazed that a 13 year old boy would take the initiative to go to church, contacting me well in advnace.  Part of me figured he would forget by Sunday but Saturday evening rolled around and I received another text reminding me not to forget to pick him up for church Sunday then yet ANOTHER text early Sunday morning to tell me he was up and ready (an hour before the time I told him I would come get him)!

I was so shocked and excited and told Curtis about it. Curtis informed me that while I was gone Demaj came to youth group and when he found out that Curtis was discipling 2 other youth he asked if he could be discipled too.  Curtis gladly agreed.  That one action, that extra hour or two Curt gave to this young boy made the difference.  He formed a connection with him and showed him that he mattered.  We have known Demaj for months and he has not been committed to coming to anything and just this week alone he has come to church Sunday and Tuesday, plans to come Thursday for Youth Group and is asking for a ride next Sunday.  Relationships are the key.  

For the past year God has greatly burdened my heart for the boys in our community.  Our children's programs have been predominately girls because I have been able to invest a lot more into them.  I began to pray for more boys and God answered my prayers!!  We have more and more boys showing up both at Soul Purpose Kids club and our youth group, Ignite.  We have begun the process of getting to know them but it takes an immense amount of time and effort.  Sometimes it can take years of constant pursuit of a kid before they begin to break down the walls built around their heart.  Children in our community are so hardened because they have been hurt and betrayed so many times, therefore choosing to pour into a child takes much more than being their Sunday School teacher for an hour a week. In order to truly make an impact on these children's lives it takes taking them under your wing and allowing them to be a part of your life and entering into theirs. This is where our great struggle is, we are so short on help and the few people dedicated to the children is not enough to give the kids the time they need.  Please be praying that God would raise up people with a heart broken for the children of West Garfield Park.  Pray especially for men that they would go the extra mile to invest in the boys of our community.  

The new year has been filled with relationship building, we have had a flood of new kids entering the program which is very exciting.  Please keep us in your prayers that we would be led by the Holy Spirit in every interaction with the children, and that HE would be greatly at work in their lives.  Please pray that our children would surrender their lives to Christ and live for him.  

Another piece of exciting news is that I am now at 20% in fundraising goals!  I am working to raise $35,000 in order that I may come on fulltime staff.  So far I have been able to cut back hours weekly and dedicate that time to working at the church.  This has freed up time for me to work on fundraising, better plan events for the children, as well as have more time with the kids.  Thank you to all who have donated so that I can give more to the kids and serve the Lord where I know He has called me.  

Thank you for your prayers and support. 

Sama

He's got you and me brother...in His hands...

My heart raced as my thoughts danced from one extreme to the next.  I was at work and tried hard to focus on what I was supposed to be doing but I could not seem to discipline my mind because all I could think about were my kids.  I had received word that morning that a young girl had been shot in the head, she was alive but they were unsure how bad the situation was.  I couldn't just sit and wait so I began searching the news and contacting mothers of my kids to try to figure out who it was.  The anxiety took over my morning until at last I recieved the text from a mother, it was Kenya.  My heart dropped.  No no no.  My hands began to shake uncontrolably, my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest, and it took all of my strength to not burst into tears.  Kenya had been on my heart so much over the past couple of months.  She was not a regular attender at our Youth Program but she had recently begun coming frequently.  I could sense there was something going on and had been reaching out to her, then suddenly she just disappeared again. She stopped responding to my messages and stopped texting me.

Now as I sat with the news, my mind raced, "Was there more I could have done?"

I carried this pain for hours before I learned it had all been a hoax.  Someone made it all up, Kenya was okay.

I was infuriated.  How could someone possibly think that something like this was funny when everyday the death count by gunfire in Chicago rises? Today, 25 days into the new year, we have already had 248 people shot and out of those 248 people, 42 have been killed.  This is not a joking matter when we can still feel the sting of death from the loved ones we lost.

This is life here and sometimes it feels like things are never going to change.  I recently discussed with a close friend about the anxiety I feel over my kids, how I often check the news to see how many have been shot and then look up who it was and how old they were.  After being sure it was not a child, I track where the shooting happened to see if it close to my childrens' homes. Did my child hear the shots?  Did they witness the death?

These are my thoughts almost daily and sometimes it really stresses me out.

"Sam I think you were traumatized," was my friends response.

Her words caused me to stop as tears, against my will, began pouring down my cheeks.

I need to stop.

Breathe.

Trust.

The love I have for these children is the merely the slightest glimpse, which pales in comparison to the love their Heavenly Father has for them.  He didn't ask me to love unloved children, he allowed me to get a glimpse of the most loved children, His children.  These kids are not my own, they are His and He is greatly at work in their lives.

This Sunday as the message was being preached 10 year old Amani hopped out of his seat and slid next to me.
"Samantha that's what my life was like before I started coming to church and believed in God!" He whispered into my ear. He was so moved by the message that he wept during much of the sermon and immediately pulled me aside to pray with him after, where he continued to cry.  This little boy, at 10, has had his childlike innocence stripped away by a life that is all too real.  Unable to hide behind a protective cover that is supposed to shield him from the harsh realities of life, this little boy knows how painful and broken our world is.  There is such tradgedy in this and yet an undeniable beauty because without the facade that life is all good, he has realized his need for God, something, so many of us are so blind to.

God is crazy, deeply in love with these children.  He is on a mission to bring their hearts to Him and I need to stop and realize that they are in His hands and there is no better place for them to be.