Kids camping trip

"Look Shamiya is flying next to us! She's so fast she's going to beat us to Wisconsin!" Nashaunti shouted in the van packed with little girls and camping supplies. When we arrived to Wisconsin the girls gasped at the site of a star filled sky and they shared stories with eachother about how Shamiya was up there looking down at them. Shamiya seems to join us everywhere we go, her name is spelled out in beads of the children's necklaces at club, she's "buckled up" next to the little ones when I drive them home, she's missed on our trips to the zoo...she's brought up in conversation constantly. I wrestle with how to handle these situations and the hard conversations I have to have almost daily, but then I am reminded that these are small children who are trying to make peace with death. They are clinging to their dear friend, trying to hold onto her a little longer because she was ripped away too soon and too tragically. When I had to make the very difficult decision to not cut my time in Guatemala short to make it for Shamiya's funeral, I made a promise to myself that I would be in it for the long haul with my kids. I wanted to be there immediately and hold my little girls but I knew that what God was asking me to do went so much deeper and longer, He was asking me to walk with them through the pain because the pain does not end with the funeral. So this is what I have been doing since I have arrived home. My girls were the first ones I went to see as soon as I landed in the U.S. and much of my time since has been with them. I have had the blessing and honor to walk alongside them in the past couple of months.

My brother and I were talking recently about how difficult it is to keep track of the news as daily we are reminded of the horrors the kids are living in but we agreed that we are so incredibly honored to be able to work with these children and families and see the beauty. So many hear about the crime and violence but very few have had the blessing of knowing that in those gang filled, blood stained streets are the gems of the city. I can honestly say that the kids I work with out in West Garfield are some of the most incredible children I have ever met and my life has forever changed because of them. God is doing great things in West Garfield and I am so excited to be a part of it. Our kids club is growing quickly and it is so exciting to get to meet so many new families. The highlight of my week each week is walking to the kids school and being swarmed by my little posse. Children run to greet me and give me big hugs and tell me about their days. I am lavished with gifts of drawings and necklaces regularly. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with my love for these kids that my heart feels like it may just burst. I am so blown away by the kids eagerness to help. One week I was short for help and asked the older kids to be leaders, they were so excited to help even if that meant cleaning up after the little kids. This is a trait I have seen so much in these kids. Kameron, one of my newer boys arrives at church before me each week and sits and waits for me until I come and immediately upon my arrival he asks what he can do to get sunday school ready and he always offers to walk with me to pick up kids so that I am safe. These children are incredible. Just recently I have had some great conversations with some of the kids about being followers of Jesus and one girl, only 11 years old told me that she wanted to be a follower of Jesus because she saw the results of people living for themselves and others having to pay the price. With the pain these children have endured they have gained profound wisdom for their ages. I am so excited about all we have in store for us in the upcoming months and cannot wait to see what God does in and through these kids. Please continue to keep them in your prayers. Samantha

Camping

As we sat around the picnic table with my parents, after a weekend full of adventure and fun, the girls shared with them the highlights of the trip. Some shared about going to the beach, others shared about playing in the sand dunes but Shamiya spoke up and responded, “What I like most about the camping trip is that I feel safe; I don’t have to worry about watching my back or getting shot.” As her words came out I got choked up, what 11 year old would respond this way, literally constantly scared for her life? Never would we have imagined the reality of Shamiya’s words; Just months later Shamiya was shot while having a sleepover with the other girls from the camping trip. These young girls have experience far more pain than any child should ever have to experience.

Last May I had the incredible blessing of taking six little girls from my church in Chicago camping. The kids, having never been camping before, asked me, “Are there tigers and bears in Wisconsin?!” They had no clue what to expect but they jumped right in! The girls never once hesitated on a single adventure from climbing trees, swinging from rope swings to chasing a herd of deer through the sand dunes. They loved every second of it because for once they were allowed to have fun and just be kids. But they weren’t the only ones, my family and friends were all involved in the trip and were able to spend this time with the girls and it forever changed their lives as well.

As I look back on all the incredible memories I have from over that weekend, I cannot help but see what a complete gift from God is was to spend that time with Shamiya before she left this earth. This trip was something the girls will remember for the rest of their lives and it is our vision to keep taking these children as often as we can. In the weeks since Shamiya’s death, as I have walked alongside these little girls as they mourn the loss of their dear friend, I can’t help but question what can I do to help? I can’t pick them up and move them out of their neighborhood and I can’t stop the violence that surrounds them, but I can walk alongside them and share with them the hope we have in Jesus Christ. I can also help allow them to see that in this world so filled with pain, there is still beauty. My hope in this next year is to continue to pour into these girls as well as the other children in West Garfield Park and give them opportunities to see God’s beauty at work in nature, art, music, culture, and people. I hope to take them places like the zoo, conservatories, cultural centers, concerts and the outdoors for them to be able to experience these things for themselves. So how can you help? There are many ways! First and foremost through your prayers; Chicago is in desperate need of prayers as daily the death count raises due to street violence. Secondly you can help us through your donations. We have little to no money to work with which makes planning very difficult. If you can’t donate money but can lend us supplies it helps greatly! This year we have donations from Rev Board Shop so we can take the girls kayaking and paddle boarding! Lastly you can donate your time! I could talk to you all day about how incredible these kids are but you’ll never realize it until you meet them! Last year my brother Andrew and friend Ben met them for the first time and now they make regular trips down to Chicago to visit because they’ve fallen in love with the kids. If you are interested please contact me and see how you can help out! You can play a part of changing these kids’ lives! Things you can donate: Food Snacks Juice boxes Peanut Butter Nutella Jelly Hotdogs Buns Ketchup Mustard Smore stuff Chips Granola Bars Pizza Fruit Cereal Aluminum Foil Pancake Mix Chocolate Chips Syrup Butter Milk (Anything else!)

Light in the darkness

Am I stupid for the way I live my life? This question comes to my mind all the time as I turn to the wisdom of those I trust. Here I am this small, 110 lb white girl who has been called into some of the darkest places, places most grown men refuse to journey with me to. I don't understand Lord, why me? I couldn't defend myself and no one seems to want to defend me. I wrestle over and over with the Lord; not for fear,although sometimes I am afraid but I have come to terms that my life is not my own, but because I know the anguish I put my family through. I hate it, I hate that my mom suffers anxiety as she worries about me. I asked the Lord today to speak a Word to me to remind me that it is Him that is calling me into these places. Scattered throughout my afternoon were His whispers and then I read this post from my good friend Michelle who I help lead the children's ministry at my church with: "C.J came today. The same child who cussed me out, who stole the ipad and lied and lied, who teases and laughes and mocks others, the kid who bullied and beat up the little girl, the one who has done time in Juevenile detention...he came today with a little four year old boy with no shirt...C.J ran on in...leaving me with figuring out what to do with the little boy(too young for our program)...after giving him candy, a big bag of popcorn and letting him get his face painted, I asked around and discovered his name, Darrell, he lived in, "that crack house way back with the windows shot out" so I walked over to tell them that their baby was not at the church..what greeted me was a shack, no windowns, visible bullet holes, the pervading smell of intense poverty and hopelessness...no one cared that Darrell was wandering the streets, no one minded that his pants sagged to his ankles and that eh didn't have a shirt, oh well his aunt said shrugging her shoulders clutching her bottle of beer. Zombies live here too, my heart broke...with a renewed spirit I marched back to club! Determined to love those little monsters in Jesus name!" Suddenly I was reminded what I was made for. I wasn't created to live a safe life, I wasn't created to live in comfort;I wasn't even created to please my parents. God created me with a plan, he wired me for a purpose and that is to love, no matter where, no matter what the cost. He called me to be a light in the darkness and to be His hands and feet, to love the hurting, and tell the world of his redemption, hope to the hopeless. I don't know what His plan is for my life, I don't know if He will always keep me safe where He leads me but I will go where He leads me and love until it hurts.

Innocent lives trapped in a war

Part of me dreds pushing the app for the Chicago Tribune that I have kept on my phone to keep up with what's going on in my city. "Man charged for slaying," "Man charged in fatal shooting," "South Side teen killed two days before freshman orientation," "Woman shot dead on Dan Ryan, year after teen brother was killed," "2 dead, 10 hurt in shootings on South, West sides," 82 shot over the fouth of July weekend. On Monday Chicago reached it's 200th killing, that's just the ones who didn't make it. My heart aches. Each day I hold my breath praying that its not one of my babies. When we look at these numbers its easy to dismiss it as gang violence but what isn't being talked about are the innocent lives caught in the middle. I think of my weekend camping with my little girls and one of the first comments they made about the weekend was how for once they didn't have to fear being shot. These are 11 year old little girls who should be playing dolls, or Barbies, or hanging out with their friends, not questioning if their next trip to the playground will cost them their lives. The statement "If I grow up I want to be..." haunts me. I do not even know where to begin or what to do, all I can do is desperately cry out to God and ask him to come. I will not give up, my God is the God of transformation and redemption, the God of restoration and I am pleading for Him to take over this city.

Learning to be men

"Can you help me?" Jacob asked as he placed a baby doll on his back and handed me a blanket to strap it on like they do here in Guatemala. Jacob loves to play house and always wants to be the dad. I watched him as he proudly walked around the porch with his little baby and it got me thinking.

So often I hear parents scold their little boys when they pick up dolls or tell them, "Dolls are for girls." I completely disagree. I remember growing up my brothers and I always played together often times one minute we would be playing house using dolls or cats as our children and the next minute we'd be up in trees with our faces painted with mud. Playing with dolls is not a "girl" thing, children are acting out what they see and experience and are learning to do the same. My brothers not only grew up playing with dolls but they often helped out with babies as well. They grew up to love children and at the age of 16 my brother had a car seat in his car and would care for my nephew all day for my sister. He knew how to change diapers, burp a baby, clean spit up, and everything else he needed to know in order to care for a newborn.

I remember specifically talking to Adam when he shared about moving to California and he shared that he wanted to go for a while but that he would have to return soon because he wanted to be a male figure in Landon's life. My nephew Landon doesn't have a father but my brothers have stepped up and been amazing male role models in his life. They bring him along to do yard work, build and fix things, go fishing, or skateboarding, all the things a father would do. I love and admire my brothers so deeply, they are true men.

So as I watched little Jacob playing with his baby doll, pretending to be a daddy I refused to tell him to give the doll to his sister and go find a car to play with. When did learning compassion and care become a "girl" thing? Our boys need to learn how to be fathers, to love and to nurture little ones. It makes me so very proud to watch the kids here and how even the teenage boys are constantly scooping babies up into their arms to snuggle them. This past weekend I had the privilege of working alongside 3 amazing men as we did a therapy weekend with the children here. I cannot express what a blessing it was to watch as these men scooped little girls into their arms to kiss them on the cheek, played soccer with the older boys guiding them to use self-control, comfort a crying child, talk them through their problems and pray with them. We need more men like this in our world, we need men to step up and show our children what being a father looks like. It breaks my heart how few men are involved in children’s lives. But I write this blog not as a complaint but a praise for the men I do have in my life who are investing in the lives of children, and an exhortation to continue to do so, you are making a huge impact.