Light in the darkness

Am I stupid for the way I live my life? This question comes to my mind all the time as I turn to the wisdom of those I trust. Here I am this small, 110 lb white girl who has been called into some of the darkest places, places most grown men refuse to journey with me to. I don't understand Lord, why me? I couldn't defend myself and no one seems to want to defend me. I wrestle over and over with the Lord; not for fear,although sometimes I am afraid but I have come to terms that my life is not my own, but because I know the anguish I put my family through. I hate it, I hate that my mom suffers anxiety as she worries about me. I asked the Lord today to speak a Word to me to remind me that it is Him that is calling me into these places. Scattered throughout my afternoon were His whispers and then I read this post from my good friend Michelle who I help lead the children's ministry at my church with: "C.J came today. The same child who cussed me out, who stole the ipad and lied and lied, who teases and laughes and mocks others, the kid who bullied and beat up the little girl, the one who has done time in Juevenile detention...he came today with a little four year old boy with no shirt...C.J ran on in...leaving me with figuring out what to do with the little boy(too young for our program)...after giving him candy, a big bag of popcorn and letting him get his face painted, I asked around and discovered his name, Darrell, he lived in, "that crack house way back with the windows shot out" so I walked over to tell them that their baby was not at the church..what greeted me was a shack, no windowns, visible bullet holes, the pervading smell of intense poverty and hopelessness...no one cared that Darrell was wandering the streets, no one minded that his pants sagged to his ankles and that eh didn't have a shirt, oh well his aunt said shrugging her shoulders clutching her bottle of beer. Zombies live here too, my heart broke...with a renewed spirit I marched back to club! Determined to love those little monsters in Jesus name!" Suddenly I was reminded what I was made for. I wasn't created to live a safe life, I wasn't created to live in comfort;I wasn't even created to please my parents. God created me with a plan, he wired me for a purpose and that is to love, no matter where, no matter what the cost. He called me to be a light in the darkness and to be His hands and feet, to love the hurting, and tell the world of his redemption, hope to the hopeless. I don't know what His plan is for my life, I don't know if He will always keep me safe where He leads me but I will go where He leads me and love until it hurts.

Innocent lives trapped in a war

Part of me dreds pushing the app for the Chicago Tribune that I have kept on my phone to keep up with what's going on in my city. "Man charged for slaying," "Man charged in fatal shooting," "South Side teen killed two days before freshman orientation," "Woman shot dead on Dan Ryan, year after teen brother was killed," "2 dead, 10 hurt in shootings on South, West sides," 82 shot over the fouth of July weekend. On Monday Chicago reached it's 200th killing, that's just the ones who didn't make it. My heart aches. Each day I hold my breath praying that its not one of my babies. When we look at these numbers its easy to dismiss it as gang violence but what isn't being talked about are the innocent lives caught in the middle. I think of my weekend camping with my little girls and one of the first comments they made about the weekend was how for once they didn't have to fear being shot. These are 11 year old little girls who should be playing dolls, or Barbies, or hanging out with their friends, not questioning if their next trip to the playground will cost them their lives. The statement "If I grow up I want to be..." haunts me. I do not even know where to begin or what to do, all I can do is desperately cry out to God and ask him to come. I will not give up, my God is the God of transformation and redemption, the God of restoration and I am pleading for Him to take over this city.

Learning to be men

"Can you help me?" Jacob asked as he placed a baby doll on his back and handed me a blanket to strap it on like they do here in Guatemala. Jacob loves to play house and always wants to be the dad. I watched him as he proudly walked around the porch with his little baby and it got me thinking.

So often I hear parents scold their little boys when they pick up dolls or tell them, "Dolls are for girls." I completely disagree. I remember growing up my brothers and I always played together often times one minute we would be playing house using dolls or cats as our children and the next minute we'd be up in trees with our faces painted with mud. Playing with dolls is not a "girl" thing, children are acting out what they see and experience and are learning to do the same. My brothers not only grew up playing with dolls but they often helped out with babies as well. They grew up to love children and at the age of 16 my brother had a car seat in his car and would care for my nephew all day for my sister. He knew how to change diapers, burp a baby, clean spit up, and everything else he needed to know in order to care for a newborn.

I remember specifically talking to Adam when he shared about moving to California and he shared that he wanted to go for a while but that he would have to return soon because he wanted to be a male figure in Landon's life. My nephew Landon doesn't have a father but my brothers have stepped up and been amazing male role models in his life. They bring him along to do yard work, build and fix things, go fishing, or skateboarding, all the things a father would do. I love and admire my brothers so deeply, they are true men.

So as I watched little Jacob playing with his baby doll, pretending to be a daddy I refused to tell him to give the doll to his sister and go find a car to play with. When did learning compassion and care become a "girl" thing? Our boys need to learn how to be fathers, to love and to nurture little ones. It makes me so very proud to watch the kids here and how even the teenage boys are constantly scooping babies up into their arms to snuggle them. This past weekend I had the privilege of working alongside 3 amazing men as we did a therapy weekend with the children here. I cannot express what a blessing it was to watch as these men scooped little girls into their arms to kiss them on the cheek, played soccer with the older boys guiding them to use self-control, comfort a crying child, talk them through their problems and pray with them. We need more men like this in our world, we need men to step up and show our children what being a father looks like. It breaks my heart how few men are involved in children’s lives. But I write this blog not as a complaint but a praise for the men I do have in my life who are investing in the lives of children, and an exhortation to continue to do so, you are making a huge impact.

A day in the life...

I wanted to share what an "average" day here at Manos de Compasion is like here so let me share... At 5:45 I rolled my exhausted self out of bed...the baby had cried a lot last night and so I was feeling pretty exhausted but wanted to keep my word about going for a walk with the girls. After getting dressed I slipped out of the house and met the girls from the other house to go on a morning walk.

We walked slowly down the airstrip as the young girls carried their babies. Lauren just this week decided to make morning walks a daily habit and I have realized it is a great start to the morning. I rushed back to the house at 6:45 to finish preparing a breakfast of muffins and fruit. In a house of 30 many receipes are multiplied by 10!

We ate breakfast as a family and had devotions before sending the little ones off to school.

Once breakfast was done and the kids were given snacks and sent off to school I had a couple hours to slip away to get stuff done. I love to do my devotions on the big rocks outside so that is where I went. My friend Mich is here with me and so we did our devotions together and spent some time in prayer.

At 9:30 Mich had to leave to help with P.E. and I needed to work on internship stuff. I was able to work for an hour or so when I realized that poor Lucia was stuck making pizza for the entire family by herself.

...so I spent the rest of my morning off making pizzas with Lucia...I must say we made some pretty delicious pizza with barbeque sauce, chicken and pineapple!

After lunch I was on toddler duty so I put 9 of the munchkins down for naps and spent the afternoon with the 5 older ones. We played outside until it began to get cold and rainy and then we went in for some games, reading, and cookie eating.

At 4 the munchkins woke up from their nap and the chaos began until we had dinner at 5:30.

After dinner everyone from the Zimmerman house came over for cake to celebrate Diego's birthday and stayed to watch the Lion King.

Once everyone went home and the little ones went to bed I got some good snuggle time with Mercedes and Yeni.

After a good chat with one of the teen girls I finally slipped up to my room around 9:30 to put Yeni to sleep and finally go to bed myself. So there you have it...a semi average day here at the Reichard house. It's not a children's home, its a family just like yours and mine...maybe just a little bit bigger :)