Hedge of protection

I just wanted to share this because I thought it was so cool. Last night I was thinking a lot about the journey God has had me on the past years since highschool(hense the last blog) and I went to bed thinking way too much about living an "unsafe" life. Suddenly I found myself laying in bed in fear and with every noise my mind danced with thoughts of men breaking in. As I fell asleep I thought to myself, "I'm going to have a nightmare tonight." I have had a lot of nightmares in these past couple of years that have left me with chills, nightmares about walking the streets of Garfield and having groups of men surround me as I fought to keep them away. Nightmares where I scream for help seeing someone I know nearby but no one hears me. A cool thing happened last night though, I did have a nightmare but I believe with all of me that it was actually not a nightmare but God speaking to me in a dream. In my dream I was once again walking alone down a street when two men approached me and I knew they were going to attack me. I screamed out "Lord make me untouchable," and with that suddenly it was as if there was this hedge of protection around me. You could not see anything but no matter how much the men fought to get near me they couldn't and I was able to safely run away. I awoke from the dream and without even thinking about it I had this peace knowing the exact meaning of this dream. God sent it to me to remind me that He has his hedge of protection around me and with Him I am in safe hands.

leap of faith

If a man is going to do anything worth while, there are times when he has to risk everything on his leap, and in the spiritual domain Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold by common sense and leap into what He says, and immediately you do, you find that what He says fits on as solidly as common sense. -My Utmost For His Highest This passage really has me thinking. I feel like my entire life has been a leap of faith. I try not to talk too much about things because I feel like I stress the average person out if they knew the way I live, often unsafe and always financially unstable. My mom shared with me that I am the cause of her gray hairs and of all of her children I am the one who has caused her great anxiety. She says this with a laugh but one of those laughs that is only an attempt at hiding that the statement is the truth. She tells me that one day I will have a daughter of my own (who she refers to as Shaniqua haha!) and one day I will understand. Little does she know I really do understand and it rips me apart constantly. I love my mom so much and don't ever want to cause her to worry so I do my best not to share too much with her but often I feel a lot of guilt. There in is my life long battle, how do I leap into the calling God has given me so clearly and yet still honor my mother and father? I don't know...I just walk each day prayerfully and trust the outcome to my Heavenly Father.

As I sit in a room full of girls ages 9 to 21 I love to just sit back and observe their behaviors, each trigger a memory of a child that I have worked with in the past. It seems to me that in a group of children, kids tend to fall into a role. There are the out going, pleasing children who are usually the first to introduce themselves and make you feel welcome. They are usually the one's people gravitate towards. Then you have the ones who crave attention so deeply that they are willing to do anything to receive it. This is usually the child who is constantly pushing everyone's buttons and hanging on the new comers. There is often a couple more shy but sweet ones who don't immediately talk to you but will be silent presence at your side always willing to lend you a hand. The shy standoffish ones usually watch you at a distance but will never approach you unless you initiate and then there is always your couple who are resistent in nearly every way pushing away anyone who attempts to come near. It always facinates me how children work and why they behave the way they do. Yesterday I arrived at Casa Shalom which is a childrens home with nearly 100 children. I arrived with Drew, the therapist in the morning and began with my first play therapy session. I worked with a young girl around 9 years old who has a history of abuse and often acts out. Desperate for help, her house parents asked Drew if he would be willing to meet with her. This young girl thrives off of one on one, positive attention. Drew explained to me that she has had remarkable growth in the past few weeks due to getting this. It made me wonder how many other children could heal so much faster if only someone took the time to understand them and what they needed. In play therapy you often put to words what the child is doing or their expressed feelings. This helps the child learn to put thoughts into their actions as well as affirms them that they are being attuned to. My assignment for this week as I am at Casa Shalom is to observe the children as well as the interactions between them and their care takers and ask myself: How do abused and abandon children heal? What does THIS child in front of me need, short and long term, to move forward in their healing journey? What got them stuck? What will get them unstuck? What is their belief system? How are they still participating in their own re-traumatization. I am so very excited to continue to learn how to work with these children and hope to continue to use this learning in order to help children find healing from the trauma of their pasts. Thank you to everyone who has supported me in this journey. Prayer Requests: Pray that I would be able to continually take in all that I am learning as well as that I could be a blessing while here. Please also pray for my financial situation I am really struggling to make ends meet. Thank you all for your prayers!! Sama

Lillies of the field...

"Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet i say to you that not even Solomon in all this glory clothed himself like one of these...But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." "Samantha!" she greeted me with a huge smile on her face and embraced me in one of her awkward hugs, one that neither fully pulled me in like my mothers but has become just as dear to me because they are from her. Miss Essie, my adopted Grandma has been used by God to touch a part of my heart that God wanted to heal. In the past couple years I suddenly lost all of my grandparents without much preparation. The pain stings so deeply to this day that I cannot be in the presense of the elderly without a lump forming in my throat. In an attempt to avoid the pain I distanced myself from anyone elderly as best I could. Then Miss Essie came along... I remember crying to my mom the day I found out that she was in the hospital. "I can't keep loving people only for them to die" I cried out in fear of once again losing a loved one, a feeling that has become so common in recent years. My mom reminded me in her deep wisdom that loving people and allowing them to impact us is worth every ounce of pain that we feel when we lose them. Deep down I knew this...Grandma, Grandpa, Princess, Wanga,Sarah, Danny and all the others were so incredibly painful to lose but their lives and the times with them forever impacted my life. God in His grace however has not made me face that pain again quite yet, instead he continues to love me through this beautiful woman. When she heard that I was going to Guatemala, Miss Essie was so excited that I was "going to Europe." I laughed and explained to her that Guatemala was actually not in Europe but below Mexico. Today as Miss Essie embraced me in her dear way, she exclaimed that she remembered that I was going to Guatemala and that it was below Mexico, "See you're teaching me Geography!" she laughed, then called me over to sit down with her. As we sat she explained to me that as she was praying the Lord laid it on her heart to donate money to support my trip to Guatemala. She shared with me that she has been working hard and saving her whole life and that God always provides for her needs so now she wants to give back. I get choked up as I write this. The above verse was shown to me in a new way today...I have been clothed in such radiant love by God through this beautiful woman. I am deeply blessed.