Beauty from ashes

Today was one of those days where I was so deeply reminded that I am exactly where God has called me.  It is the best feeling in the entire world, to be reminded of the tears, the doubts, the "fighting" with God and questioning what in the world I was doing here; and then see, this is why.

 I sat and watched as my little girls stood before a church packed with people and shared their testimonies of heart ache and pain but how they met God through it.  I got choked up as I watched a mother, whose little girl has been praying for so long for her to come to church, wrap her arms around her dripping wet daughter, both with tears flowing down their cheeks.  I watched a grandma cry aloud with such joy to see her granddaughter take this step of faith; the same little girl who has never once been taken by her family to the church but rather comes on her own week after week.

God is good and powerfully at work.

One of the girls shared in her testimony that it was after losing our little Shamiya that she was in so much pain and needed someone to talk to and that is what brought her to the church.  That little girl has never stopped coming, she is now a believer and serving in the church.  I think back on the past year since Shamiya has died and I cannot help but praise the Lord for His goodness in it.  There is no doubt in my mind that God was able to use such a horrible tradgedy for something beautiful.  I look at my group of children and the bonds we have formed through her loss and I know there would have been no other way that we would have had this had we not endured that pain.  The kids have grown so much.

One little girl in specific has grown immensely, the same little girl who has had the hardest time of all of them.  I watched as this little girl went from an innocent smiling child, to one whose eyes lost their spark.  The trauma she endured killed that little girl inside her.  That same little girl has allowed God to begin to heal her heart and He has restored her beautiful smile and given her a heart of gold.  One day in small group we were discussing what it means to be a Christian and the girls were on fire, they couldn't stop sharing but one new girl did not know a lot of the answers to the questions we were discussing, she had only just begun coming to church and knew very little about Jesus.  After small group S pulled me aside and asked "Do you think we could start spending more time with T.  I feel bad that she didn't know a lot of the answers to the questions and I really want her to know Jesus."  I wanted to cry right then and there.  She gets it, she really gets it.

God is powerfully at work.

The Apple Orchard

Every time I spend time with my children I come home with an intense amount of emotions.  Often it is a mixture of sheer exhaustion, excitement, joy, and yet a deep sadness.  The sadness comes as I wrestle with the facts of life.  The fact that life is not fair and I feel like my children have been dealt a bad hand in life.  I look at all the challenges facing them and it makes me want to cry.  Some have physical and mental affects from drugs, alcohol, and trauma which creates many obstacles in day to day life, especially education.  The majority attend schools where they are not properly educated and if they graduate they will not be prepared for adult life and jobs.  Many come from hard homes where they may be abused, neglected, unloved and not properly cared for.  The odds seem so against them.  As I think about them I cannot help but picture their smiling faces, and memories come flooding in of E, with such a willing heart, struggling to carry three large bags of apples because other children were unable to carry their own; or L who jumps at the opportunity to help me by picking up trash outside.  I think of T and how she asked with a smile on her face, "Samantha do you think one day I can be like you and pour into girls younger than me?" or K who without being asked, faithfully sweeps the gym every week after club ends.  I think of the joy these children pour out day after day and it blows me away. They are some of the strongest, most beautiful and resilient children I have ever met.

Today I had one of those moments where I was able to see so clearly God's love for these children.  As I planned an outing with the children to an Apple Orchard, I knew I was very short in help and tried to pick an easy group.  I called an invited children who I knew would not be too difficult and could be easily managed, and I am embarrassed to admit I intentionally left out a couple of children who I knew would make things very difficult.  But you see, God does not go through and pick the "easy to love" he loves all so deeply and so one by one this morning children backed out of the trip and there, sitting at the church, was just about every child in our program who are not "easy".  I had to just laugh as I saw God make His heart known.

Our trip was amazing, the children were enthralled and could not stop smiling.  They had the time of their lives.  We made it our mission to pour out as much love as we could on this energetic bunch.  They didn't always listen, they were not always respectful and we had to break up many fights but I left with a beautiful exhaustion due to energy well spent.

As I dropped off the children I couldn't stop smiling at one little guy in specific.  His skin was incredibly dry and ashy.  He appeared very unkept.  He couldn't sit still if his life depended on it.  He used me all day as a human jungle gym despite me telling him not to and defied any rule I set out; but as he left, with a smile that took over his entire face, he yelled "Bye Samantha I love you," and in that moment my heart was entirely full.