Thirsty

I have not written on here in so long. I tend to write while I am overseas doing missions but not while I am here in the states. My life isn't as interesting these days and the things I want to write about I cannot because its all confidential. I was thinking about this blog recently however and I realize I never really explained to people where I am at so I get asked on a regular basis. So the purpose of this blog is to update you guys on whats going on in my life.

I returned back to Wisconsin in May after living in Mexico for about 4 months and then visiting my sister in Oaxaca. It was a very painful transition. Honestly my heart is overseas, it has been for as long as I can remember. I never really felt I "fit" in the US. It's nearly daily that my heart aches to return to my kiddos back in Africa and Mexico. Most of the time I do not allow myself to even think about them in fears of allowing my discontentment to stir up.

I decided to return home in order to go back to school. In all of the orphanages I worked at I saw a huge need for counselors. I noticed children with such dark painful pasts but little to no efforts being put to help those children work through what they've gone through. So I returned to begin my degree in social work or counseling but I knew I would not be able to keep myself in one place if I didn't find a immediate purpose for being in that spot. Sure I was working towards a long term purpose with being in school but I needed to be daily living with purpose. So I applied to a job that I had been considering applying to for many years. Well I got the job and so since September I have been working in an Americorps position with Project Youth Runaway and Youth Services, as a Youth Advocate Outreach Worker. It's a runaway prevention program where we work with individual youth, families, and schools to prevent kids from running. Kids don't just up and run for no reason, often there are many things that lead to it so we work with families and youth trying to make home a safe comfortable place to be. Our prevention work has many facets to it whether it be meeting with students one on one in a sort of mentorship session, family mediations, we do different groups such as anger management group, have youth "drop in" which is a time to just hang out and maintain relationships, and much more. This job has been extremely stretching but I really love it and the youth are so incredible. I have learned SO much and GOd is really breaking my heart for Sheboygan.

So things with school and work are going well but one area I am struggling in is having other believers in my life. I miss fellowship and the encouragement that is found with community. I yearn to have other people around me who are passionate about their faith and allow Christ to impact every aspect of their lives. God has really blessed me with Hana who is now my discipler and such a good friend to me. I see God working in her heart and I'm continually praying that the things that the Lord has burdened our hearts with would become so contageous that others will jump on board. I need to see Christ work in this place.

So there you have a sum up of whats happening here. Feel free to write I LOVE to hear from people. God bless you.

Samantha

Missing my babies

I recieved a newsletter today from one of my friends doing ministry in South Africa. Immediately my heart began to ache. I miss my African children so much. I miss their beautiful accents, their big brown eyes, their shining white smiles. I miss being greeted with them jumping into my arms. I miss feeling a little tug on my shirt by little Michelle who is extending her arms to be scooped up into the safety of my embrace. Its so hard to be here when I do not know if my children are okay there. I do not know if someone is holding them close and wiping away their tears. I do not know if they are being reminded daily of how beautiful and special they are. I want to be that person. I want to do just that, but God has called me back. He has brought me to Sheboygan and is now opening my eyes to the broken children right here. I'm excited knowing that my God has been faithful to me no matter where I am and so He will not stop being faithful.

Oaxaca Medical Outreach

Last week we had a medical outreach at the base in Oaxaca. I was amazed by the effort put in by all the people here at the mission. The just whipped up hospital rooms out of brick on the basketball courts and little wooden desks. Everyone put in more than 12 hour days and had such good attitudes through it all. The first day people began arriving by the truck load by 5:30. At times it was quite overwhelming to see hundreds of people lined up coming from up to 12 hours away and then waiting all day and even throughout the night just to be seen. My job was helping with the glasses. When patients would leave the eye doctor I would dig through the boxes of donated glasses for a perscription that somewhat matched. I must say patience and kindness did not always flow out of me as I would look and dig for a somewhat close perscription and after FINALLY finding something the person would ask for a better looking pair. Despite my little selfish breakdowns the week went great and I honestly really enjoyed it. So often I'd have little women looking for reading glasses and so when I'd hold up a book or something to look at they'd reply with a hint of embarrassment in their voices that they didn't know how to read. Most women don't need glasses to read but rather to cook and to sew so we began using the great idea my friend Elaine had, having the ladies practice threading a needle with glasses. It was so neat to see people who had once thought they'd never again be able to see, see again. The people here showed such gratitude for everything we did and I recieved many hugs and kisses on the cheek. It was a great opportunity to be a part of.

(We had a little photo shoot with the glasses)

Goodbyes

I don't know how I continually do it. Move to another location...pour out my heart and fall completely in love with the people around me only to once again leave. I feel like part of me dies everytime I have to say goodbye again. How do you spend 24hours a day, seven days a week, for 4 months with a group of people and then leave them to possibly never see them again? The way I do it is running forward and trying not too look back. God has blessed me with amazing relationships everywhere I go and although its so hard to say goodbye its "better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all" Sometimes crying at a goodbye and really feeling the heartache feels so good because then I know how much that person really meant to me. So these are my thoughts as I stepped out of Baja, left my girls and my dear friends.



(The kids at the daycare tied me up to a chair to keep me from leaving...in this picture they are all praying for me. I cried so hard.)

Your Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven

I just finished the book "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and it really had me thinking. He challenges the readers in the end to stop talking and brainstorming how to live radically but to DO it. To let the Spirit work in us and live accordingly. It made me look around me and realize that the place I am living is set up how Christ desired us to live. I am currently living in Mexico at Foundation for His Ministries. Its a large ministry that began as an orphanage. Now it is not only an orphanage but they have ministries that reach out to the surrounding community surrounding, they are training missionaries, they have a school, a clinic, a school for the physically and mentally disabled, an ambulance ministry and much more. People know they can come here and we will do anything in our power to help. Orphans find a home here, ex-gang members and drug addicts are accepted with open arms. The hungry are fed, the sick are tended after. If you have extra you give it to those in need. You can look into the eyes of the people here and see JOY because they experience it. I cannot express what an incredible place it is. If you have never been here COME, see it for yourself. You will NEVER be the same!

Men where are you?

My heart is aching within me today. I have heard too many stories, seen too many sights, experienced too much pain. I'm going to be completly honest here with a struggle I have been trying to deal with, I am losing my trust in men. How could I not when I see these little girls before me who have been raped, molested, abandon, abused by the men who are supposed to be caring for them? Or women whose husbands leave them alone with their children to go after another woman? I have come to the point that I look at every man wondering what secret he's holding. It breaks my heart as I hear about girls being taken as slaves, little girls. I know I'm wrong, please prove me wrong. I want nothing more than to be proved wrong, to be shown that out there there are men, amazing, trust worthy, faithful, godly men. I know there are, there have been some that have been in my life and I am so very thankful for them because they are the ones who give me hope. All this thinking leads me to the next part. Men, I am pleading, I am begging with everything in me, show the world that you're out there. Be involved in the lives of children and youth. Our children are so desperate for male role models. Our boys need to be taught how to be gentlemen, how to be fathers. Our girls need to know what its like to have a man that truly loves them so they can stop running after what we have believed is love, but is so very far from it. Everyday you have the opportunity to be the difference. "Be the change you wish to see in the world" My favorite Gandhi quote. My heart is so broken over this.

(When I say that this happened to the girls that are right in front of me PLEASE take this as figurative. I mean the girls all over the world... not specifically here! My girls stories are confidential and I wouldn't share anything about their lives on here!)

"My God can provide."

We walk into the gate leading into their yard of dirt. The mother looking bashful and hesitant to invite us in and the children peering shyfully through the open door of their house. Ducks hiss angerly as the children with barefeet giggle and run around nearby. Inside the house are bare dirt floors a stove, a pile of clothes, and one bed. One bed for a family of 10. The thing that stands out the most however, are the smiles. The little childrens' smiles. They aren't crying out to us that they have been abandon by their own father, or that a young boy has to earn the family income, or even that they don't have enough money to eat everyday, they just smile with their child like joy. As we play and chat with the children my friend talks to the mother with a broken heart. She tells this woman, "My GOd can help you. My God can provide for you." My friend doesn't say this as a good line, a line she once heard in training, or knowledge that she learned from the Bible. She says it out of a heart that has experienced it. Who can say without any doubt in her mind because she's LIVED it. She has experienced having NOTHING and having to turn to God for EVERYTHING. She's had to trust completely and fully in the One who will not let her down. So now she can go, she can look into the eyes of the hurting and say with all certainty, "My God can provide for you." It convicted me so much. Can I look into the eyes of the poor and say that? Can I tell them that my God can provide for them, with a heart CONVINCED of that? Or have I only known the words and continued to rely on my own wealth, my own finances? Do I truly trust in the God who can provide? These are the thoughts that are challenging me so.

Wheel Chair races...

Her eyes look sunken and dull, not like her normal joyful smiling brown eyes. She doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to play, all she wants is to be held. She wraps herself around my body and burries her face into my chest. Her body is so hot that it makes me start to feel nauseous. I carry her around everywhere and spend as much time as I can cuddled up on the couch with her. When she's not on my hip she's burrying her face into my legs or holding onto the pockets of my clothing connected to me like an additional appendage, as I cook, as I wash dishes, as I fold laundry. Wednesday morning I felt so exhausted, I wanted nothing more than to sleep in. I tried to reason my way out of getting out of bed, but when the children waking up for school depends on you, there is no good enough reason. So I slipped into the dark of Esmerelda's room to wake her up at 5:20 and found Nancy laying in her bed awake. She had hardly slept the night before and when she saw me she immediately extended her arms for me to scoop her up. She was miserable. I snuggled her up on the couch with me and put on some Rugrats and continued on to make myself some coffee and straighten up the kitchen when I heard her little voice whimper "sam!" When I went to check on her blood was streaming down from her nose. My poor little baby is so sick!

Lately I've been so exhausted that I feel like sometimes I'm just existing. So staying up until 11 playing games with friends for my birthday did not help when I had to wake up at 5 the next morning. As I sat with my very sick baby on the couch I prayed to God, "Lord I don't know how I'm going to make it through this day." I stayed with the kids as they woke up and continued caring for Nancy until 6:30 when I had to leave to pick up the children for daycare. I have begun driving the school bus to bring the kids to the daycare Wednesday mornings. I really enjoy it because I enjoy seeing where the kids come from and seeing their bright smiles early in the morning. The roads however are not so enjoyable. All of the roads are gravel and extremely bumpy. I drive as slow as necessary and still the kids are getting thrown around. When I finally got back to the mission with them it was already time for Sala so I quickly returned to my house to gather my own children to go. After talking with the doctor we decided it necessary to take Nancy to the clinic so at 9 I once again scooped up my munchkin and carried her all the way to the clinic. None of my kids had school Wednesday and so after returning from the clinic I took a couple of the girls to run errands with me gathering stuff for Magai's birthday party. I couldn't believe how quickly the morning flew and before I knew it it was lunch time. I had been promising some of the children from the disabled class that I'd come play with them soon and so after lunch I took my girls to play with them. Each of the disabled children have a specially made bike for their condition, those who do not have any use of their legs pedal with their hands, some who do not have balance have straps to hold them on. It's so wonderful so we joined them as they played on their bikes. My girls and I decided to have races with them around the mission so my girls ran and the other girls biked. I noticed my girls kept winning and so I decided to pair them up, one of my girls with one of the others. It was so cute watching my girls hang on the backs of the other girls bikes pushing them so that they could move faster or jumping aboard and going along for the ride. Everyone laughed and really enjoyed themselves. Their differences didn't matter, they just had fun. When it was time for the children from the day home to return back to their classes I took my girls to lay out in the grass with our snacks. We relaxed a few minutes and then began playing tag. When we finally returned to the house I was pooped. The rest of the afternoon consisted mostly of caring for my sick little Nancy and then I went out for dinner with my dear friend Paulette and her husband and daughter who are here visiting this week. It was a great time of fellowship with them! When 8 oclock came around I could think of nothing but sleep but two of my girls who are really struggling in math had tests to study for so I ended up staying up until 10 studying with them. Do you know how hard it is to explain math you don't really know how to do yourself, in spanish, in a way that a child understands when you're so tired you cannot even think? It's not fun and my poor Esme probably didn't learn a thing but alas I went to bed with a very content heart. It was a good day.

The little moments remind me its all worth it

I was growing discouraged today as I had to be on my girls heals barking orders at them all morning. "Nieves you're distracted again, keep cleaning!" "Dalia you're not leaving your bedroom till it's clean" "Rocio this is the LAST time I am helping you clean your closet. If you mess it up again you're doing it yourself!" "Ana you didn't sweep well there is still a bunch of dirt on the sidewalk" "Esme did you wash your socks and underwear?" "Stop fighting or I will send you BOTH to your beds" Sometimes I feel like I'm always nagging the girls and I hate it. I thought to myself today, the job of a parent really isn't fun. Here you are with the children you love yet you are responsible of them, training them, disciplining them, and having them do the necessary daily tasks. To sum it up, you get to be the bad guy. I was thinking how much I'd just love to be a friend to my kids and my only responsibility would be to have fun with the kids. It would be so care free! I grow so angry with myself when I find myself short with the girls or paying more attention to the tasks they need to do rather than spending time with them. Sometimes I just feel like an utter failure. Tonight as I was about to get in bed I checked my facebook to find that one of my girls had written me. She wrote "ola te quiero mucho con todo mi corazon y con mi carino me gusta que me cuides por que eres muy divertida y gracias por ayudarme a la tarea y por que me cuidaas te quiero " Translated it says "Hello I love you very much with all of my heart and carino(can't even translate that word right), I like it when you take care of me because you are very fun and thank you for helping me with my homework and because you take care of me i love you" It almost brought tears to my eyes it was so sweet. My girls give me so much grace. Even when I mess up, when I don't treat them with love, they bless me with hugs and kisses and snuggle up next to me or fall asleep in my arms. That makes it all worth it. I love them so very very much, they are blessings from God to me.

Made for this

"You were shaped to serve God. God formed every creature on this planet with a special area of expertise. Some animals run, some hop, some swim, some burrow, and some fly. Each has a particular role to play, based on the way they were shaped by God. The same is true with humans. Each of us was uniquely designed, or "shaped" to do certain things." This is a passage I read in 'The Purpose Driven Life' the other morning. I was so inspired by this chapter I read. It was all about how God has a plan for each of our lives and he created us for that, he shaped our personalities, our passions, and all the events in our life to fit exactly what He has called us to do. I know this so certainly in my life. Since I was little my passion was to be a missionary and work with orphans. I'd cut out pictures of children from all over the world and hang them up on my walls and place them in my Bible reminding me that one day I'd dedicate my life to helping them. It's my heartbeat and the thing that makes my heart race just thinking about. In highschool I often struggled being there knowing there were so many hurting around the world and I wanted to be there helping. Each morning I'd play this music video from Invisible Children as an encouragement, everyday I'd be a step closer to my dream. Now I look around me and realize I am living my dream. God allowed me to do EXACTLY what I dreamed of doing my entire life. I'm doing just what he shaped me to do. How very blessed I am!!


So let me update you on my home.


My lovely ladies are doing wonderfully and I am falling in love with them more and more each day. How many children do you know wake up before 7 to have the house cleaned before their mom wakes up?? Or how many teenagers do you know wake up at 5 to suprise the family with homemade tortillas? I don't know of many besides my ladies. The other night I sat at the kitchen table studying my 14 year olds math so that I'd be prepared to help her the next day and from her room I heard her leading the little ones in prayer. I have incredible daughters who God is shaping to be amazing women after His own heart!



My days have been very filled but I'm loving every moment of it. I usually wake up at 5 and wake up my older girls and have some alone time with the Lord before the littlest wake up. The others get up at 6 and we get ready, clean up the rooms, make our beds and go to breakfast at 7. Right after breakfast I go to the daycare to help get the little kiddos there ready for the day. We bath them, get them in clean clothes and do their hair. I usually end up spending most of my morning there until my girls come home from school at 12:15. We have lunch at 1 and then spend the afternoon doing homework, chores, and playing. I am happy to be able to help my girls in the area of math because math is the same in both languages praise the Lord! As for homework I can only help the littlest ones because my Spanish isn't good enough for the older girls homework. If I have time in the evening I've been trying to do more physical stuff with my girls so somedays we'll go for bike rides or take walks or go running. I usually round up the girls around 6 to come in for dinner and then bath and everyone is in bed by 8. I cannot believe how fast the days and weeks fly by! I get so sad thinking about leaving here but I pray the Lord will give me the peace when the time comes.

The Lord has been so faithful to me and I cannot do anything but praise Him! I've been really struggling with one of my little girls as she has anger issues and often takes them out on me. I've been told to shut up, been hit, had things thrown at me, doors slammed in my face, etc. Somedays I just grow so discouraged. Each morning I wake up and pray for the love and patience I need for her and just some good quality time to build a relationship built on love for one another. God has been SO faithful in this! For the last 5 days she's been very pleasant and I've been able to really enjoy quality time with her. She's even crawled into my bed a couple times to give me hugs and tell me she loves me. Moments like this are worth it all. God is good and is working in her heart and mine as well.

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement always!

Samantha

Tsunami

"Did you hear the news?" Delila asked when she entered the daycare this morning. She quickly filled us in about the Earthquake in Japan and how there were tsunami warnings for here in Baja California. Being worrier that I can be sometime I immediately began thinking about what if there was a huge tsunami here? What if this was my last day on earth? What would I want to tell people? Did I live to the fullest? Do I have any relationships that I have not mended? Being faced with a thought like that really puts you in the right perspective. We shouldn't be worrying about this finally when the day comes, I believe we should live each day like this. We never know if its our last and so we shouldn't stake our hopes in our future. Don't wait until tomorrow to apologize or say I love you because what if tomorrow never comes? To be honest I felt a sense of peace when it came to many parts of my life. After the death of my friend Sarah God has really made me realize how short life is and so I've made a great effort to live each day to the fullest and to never leave someone on the wrong note. By the grace of God I was able to mend the one relationship that was left on a bad note and now I can say honestly I do not have a single relationship that I'm left worrying about. I've really made a point to live my life to the fullest. One thing however was on my mind, one thing I wanted to change. Many times I find myself keeping to myself my real motives, my real reasons behind everything I do, and that would be my faith. Every part of who I am, and how I live is because of my Savior Jesus Christ. I don't want people to believe I'm just a nice person, or believe that I have good morals, because thats not it at all. I'm not a naturally nice person or have good morals everything I am and everything I believe is because of the change Christ has made in my life. It's only Him in me that is the beauty. He is the reason I wake up each morning passionately excited about the day before me, because I can live each moment of the day for him and allow those around me to experience HIS love. It's because of Him that I have love because HE first loved me. He loved me exactly how I am. He made me so content in the way that I am that I do not have to worry about how others view me, I do not have to worry about having a bunch of money or looking beautiful or being "successful" as the world sees successful. He loves me just as I am! I am filled with his love and joy everyday and therefore I do not even have to worry about myself but can pour out love on those around me because I have all the love I need. I would not be who I am and would not do what I do if it weren't for Jesus Christ. Now don't freak out I'm not dying and I hope my mom doesn't read this and freak out but I just want to be sure that one day when i DO die that my life would point to Jesus Christ. That people would look at my life and know there IS a God and He passionatly loves his children and that I dedicated my life to living for him, and every minute was worth it! Often times people don't want to listen when people share about their faith because they think it is just that person trying to pressure them to accept what they believe. Thats not what I am trying to do. I don't want to force anyone to believe anything because you can't. It has to be that persons choice. All I know is what I've experienced in my life I wish everyone could experience. I wish every person I met could KNOW the Lord and feel what I feel everyday in my heart. That's my hearts desire.

Single mother of 9

It has been 3 days since Ciri the house mother has left. Her mother is having surgery and so she decided to take a month leave, leaving me alone to care for the house. A couple weeks ago I was so overwhelmed with the thought of caring for the girls alone, one of my girls absolutely hated me and was making life miserable. I now know she was just testing me and I had yet to win her trust but boy did she make it hard. She has a horrible temper and there is no getting through to her when she's angry. I have since learned to step away from her when she's in her "explosive stage" because often times she calms herself down and is totally compliant afterwards. Its been quite a journey getting to know the girls temperments, likes, dislikes etc and learning to deal with them individually. Sometimes its so hard that I find myself having to pray to the Lord for Him to teach me to love them as he loves them. Its crazy how after I started praying that I really have fallen in love with these girls. The one that I had so much troubles with I see in a totally different light. I can rejoice with her in her small steps of improvement and see the battle within her when her anger is at its height. One thing that has been a huge turning point with her was this chart I made for her. We have each day of the week a new line where we can fill in frown faces when she misbehaves and happy faces when she behaves well and does things extra around the house. If she earns 4 happy faces in a day she gets to do something specialif she gets three frowns she has to do a punishment. We have all the rewards and punishments written on the chart and she chose them all. This has helped so much because she knows what to expect and she knows the direct results of her misbehaving. She absolutely delights when I pull out the chart and we talk about it. We go over all the faces and talk about why she has them. Its an encouraging time for her because we get to point out all the wonderful things she did that day. After having alot of fights beginning with my other girls I decided to make a chart for Rocio as well and then one by one almost all the girls wanted them. Even my 14 year old ASKED if she could have one! They're so cute.


Life here is without a doubt crazy. I have to wake up at 5 each morning so I can have alone time with God. I am so desperate for that time to just spend time praying and reading His Word. If I don't set aside that time in the morning I cannot find it during my day and I ache to just speak with my Lord, to seek His direction and be filled by Him. I am not saying this to sound "spiritual" I honestly cannot do this job without the Lord. I find myself stopping and praying, or praying as I go for strength constantly throughout the day. I am so worn out I feel like a zombie, sometimes I just want to be ALONE and other times I cannot find the patience in me to deal with the constant needs of the girls. God has been so good to me and he has answered my prayers and gets me through each day.

A glimpse of my home.
At 6:15 I couldn't believe my ears, there was silence in the house as all the girls were outside. I got so excited that I decided to finally write my cousin back. I made a cup of tea and sat down and wrote one paragraph before the girls began filtering in. Esme came in first spreading her homework all over the table, she has more homework than any child but does it so willingly and without complaints. I've really bonded with Esme my 13 year old. I feel like her big sister! Gloria my 14 year old joined us in the kitchen laughing nonstop, something must have gotten in her blood because she was absolutely crazy, falling on the floor laughing and dancing around the kitchen. An hour later she completely crashed and fell asleep! I then called in the younger ones from outside and the house was once again filled with craziness as all the girls prepared themselves dinner. The kitchen served speghetti but we allow the girls to choose what they want for dinner so dinner is kind of crazy. The table was filled with homework, craft supplies, and a bunch of little girls trying to eat. Immediately after dinner I got the littlest, Nancy bathed and in her pjs. I made her go to bed early as shes starting to get sick. When I got the littlest ones in bed I sat down with some of the others and we worked on my Spanish. The girls delight in teaching me so we sit down and I practice speaking and writing and learning new words and they in return show of their English. Finally I managed to direct all the girls to their beds and now its 920 and I must sleep I'm utterly exhausted and 5 comes way too fast. So yup thats life for now!

I hear a scream from inside the house and run in expecting to witness another fight. At the lunch table earlier today I pleaded with the girls "podemos tener UN dia sin peliando POR FAVOR!!" Translation: Can we have ONE day without fighting PLEASE!" Gloria piped up, "I didn't fight at all yesterday!" That may or may not have been true but that doesn't mean the other 8 didn't!

When I entered the house to figure out what the scream was about, all I could understand was that it had something to do with poop and the girls were laughing so I knew they weren't fighting. Someone had clogged the toilet. Next thing I knew Dalia headed to the bathroom with a surgical mask on, a bag covering her hand, and a can of air freshiner. Welcome to my world.

I sat down to write my sister at 1:00 and completed around a paragraph in about 3 hours. TOday was crazy. Ciri was gone all day so I had the girls to myself. I have a couple girls with really bad tempers and so they cannot be left unsupervised for any amount of time or all hell breaks loose. Well that would have been easy if I weren't trying to do a million other things. I was in the middle of doing laundry as all the girls seemed to want my attention at once. I had to run to the laundry room hang up a couple things then fly back to the house to make sure everyone was still alive, answer a question or two and then fly back to wash a sock and so on. I ran around washing socks, hanging up clothes, cleaning up the house, helping with homework, punishing girls, stopping fights, giving hugs, cleaning up spills, and trying to do it all with love.

9 little girls have me wrapped around their fingers. I'm so in love with them, but that does NOT mean it is easy! I found myself exhausted and wanting to give up as a couple of my girls have been SO naughty! I have had to go to the directors numerous times pleading for advice on how to deal with them. I was having a really rough day when I remembered the prayer I had JUST prayed, I prayed for God not to let me be comfortable but to stretch me. He was doing just that. I cannot do this job without Him. I've been praying so much for the Lord to create bonds between the girls and I and for him to teach me to love them as He does. God has been answering my prayers! I cherish my time with my girls! Sitting on my bed having Ana flop down on my lap. Nancy falling asleep in my arms, or following me around with her hand in my back pocket. Rocio smiling her adorable toothless grin. Carmen sitting side by side with me in my bed chatting online. Gloria being her crazy self. Nieves watching my every move. Dalia and her sweet notes she leaves for me. Magai and her soft spoken heart of gold. I'm in love with these precious girls!

wordless secrets

I was heading out of the dining hall this afternoon when I saw sitting at the table the most adorable little boy with downsyndrome. Each morning that I see him he just lights up my day. I waved at him and he continued to gesture for me to come over. I crouched down next to him and began chatting. He cannot speak but his expressions say it all! He gave me many hugs and kisses and then my friend Raquel came over quickly he began whispering worldless sounds in my ears and pointing at her as if telling me a funny secret about her. I began playing along replying with "no way!" "es la verdad?" "no es cierto!" He found this so hilarious that he was cracking up. Another boy with special needs began playing along as well. We just laughed and laughed like it was the greatest thing in the world. This was by far the best part of my entire day. Those children are the most precious gifts from God. Each day I cannot express how much they impact me as they fill the entire room with such joy and join together singing praises to God totally out of tune at the top of their lungs. THAT I believe is far more beautiful in the ears of God than any perfectly trained voice. I prayed to God for a miracle today, I wanted to see His power at work. I think these young boys were my miracle for today.

Spanglish

As the night comes to an end I am beginning to space out and have no clue what is being said around me. For the entire day I have been thinking constantly trying to understand all of the Spanish being spoken to me. It is definitely a miracle I am understanding as much as I do. My brain is fried. Even now as I write this I am having troubles switching back and forth between Spanish and English. I'm so very thankful that I am surrounded by Spanish speakers though, because I know that is the best way to learn. There is this little girl in my house named Dalia who knows a bit of English and every once in awhile she finds it necessary to translate for me even if I understand but its so cute because she really doesn't make much sense when she speaks but I know she's so proud! Anyways let me update you all on whats going on.

Sunday after having not slept the night before I left for the airport at 4:30am and flew out of the Milwaukee Airport. I arrived in San Diego at 11:40am their time and met a group heading down to the Baja. It was quite a long drive down, especially because we made so many stops and being so sleep deprived I was like a narcoleptic. I'd be talking with the people and next thing I knew I was asleep and then I'd wake up, talk more and zonk out again! By the time I got to the mission at about 9 or 10 I was finished and I didn't even bother to meet anyone I went straight to sleep!

I have been assigned to be an assistant house mom in one of the houses here and so today I moved in. There is a single lady named Siri who is the house mom and so I am there to assist her in whatever ways I can. When I first thought about living in the house I was so nervous, I was afraid it would be so uncomfortable and I'd have such troubles understanding but that hasn't been the case! Siri is such an awesome lady and the girls welcomed me with open arms. I expected that at least the teenage girls would be very standoffish but they haven't been! They're so wonderful. My youngest is a little girl named Nancy who is 4 and already has me wrapped around her finger oh my goodness she's so adorable! I do not know all the ages of my girls so I will go by grades instead. Rocio and Ana Laura are in first grade, they are such sweet girls and have been keeping me busy all day as their new playmate. Then come Nieves and Dalia who are both in fourth grade. They are a handful! I can tell already they are going to keep me busy! Magqai is in 6th grade and pretty much the sweetest, easiest little girl ever. She has been running a candy shop out of her bedroom window to make money! Gloria and Esmeralda are both 13 and are delightful girls as well. They are constantly smiling and make me feel welcome there. Then the oldest is Carmen and she's 17. I haven't gotten to talk to her much yet but I know she's a great girl, everyone has told me that so far. So yes those are my lovely ladies. I cannot wait to get to know them more. Tomorrow will be my first day alone with them as Siri is going to be out of town all day and so I guess thats when the real test will come. I have to wake up at 5 am! So I should go to sleep! Thank you all for your prayers and I will continue to keep you all posted! God bless!

Sama

Off to Baja California

It has been a very long time since I have written on here. To be honest I have been debating whether or not to continue writing, unsure if anyone actually reads these things. As I talked with Paulette over lunch she encouraged me to continue writing because, as she put quite simply, those who aren't interested won't read it and those who are encouraged by these and desire to hear what's going on, will. Ha, simple as that! Anyways as most of you know that I love what I do. I love living in different countries and dedicating my life to loving and serving the people I come in contact to, especially children. I believe that God has created me for this purpose and so when I am not doing just that I yearn for it. For the month of October I was helping out with the Good News Club at an Elementary School in Sheboygan and was once again reminded how much I love working with children. I found myself the happiest and most alive in those two hours a week, running around, chasing, laughing, and playing with the children, than I felt the entire week. I found myself growing so restless just aching to do what I love and so finally I just decided to step forward in faith. I want to say I had this huge revelation where God told me "Sam go to Mexico", but I didn't. I realized, God put these passions in my heart, there are plenty of children in the world who desperately need love, I love Mexico and have been desiring to return to the mission I have visited numerous times, and so I sent in my application. So here I am, just two short days away from yet another chapter of my life. I will be flying to San Diego early Sunday morning and meeting up with a group of people at the airport and driving down with them to Mexico. The mission that I will be working with is called Foundation For His Ministries which has an orphanage as well as many other ministries such as a school for disabled children, ambulance ministry, outreach ministries and much more. I will be moving into one of the homes in the orphanage where I will be the assistant house mother to 9 little girls ranging from 4-17 years old. Things at the mission are always changing and so even though this is the plan for now I could end up doing something completely different but I am quite excited! Somethings I am looking forward to are, the sights and smell of Mexico(those of you who have been there know what I mean!), being around and loving children 24/7, meeting new people, being stretched and pulled out of my comfort zone, and seeing what GOd has in store for me these next couple of months. So far I plan to be in Baja from January 16th until April 15 but I've learned to hold to my plans loosely and see where the Lord leads! Your prayers would be much appreciated as I once again say goodbye to my family and loved ones, and for safety during travels. God Bless you and thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

Sama