Blinded with apathy

It's 7:40 and I am up and ready long before I need to be with these gnawing thoughts causing a constant restlessness in my heart. I continually have to pray that the Lord would humble my heart and help me not to let bitterness creep in. This bitterness is something I have fought against a lot of my life as my eyes have seen too much. Too much? Have I really seen too much or have I finally gotten a glimpse of reality? God pulled me out of my comfort zone many years ago and opened my eyes to the pain around me and that pain has haunted me since. I cannot seem to just naively blindfold myself in my own pleasures day after day anymore. The things of this world, the superficial plastic pleasures that this world has to offer have no affect on me. I know people probably look at me and think I am too serious and need to kick back and relax, but I do not think this is the case. I do not spend day after day sadly looking at the world around me in defeat, quite the opposite actually. As I have stopped running from the uncomfortable I have come to realize the beauty in it. I do not live a single day in guilt with this burdensome task, for it is no burdensome task at all! Lately I cannot sleep at night as I anxiously think about the day that has passed and anticipate the day to come. I am reminded in the mornings that although the world seems dark and so hopeless at times, my God reigns and He has conquered the darkness! So what is it that I am struggling with do you ask? I am struggling with complacency and apathy around me. How have we been given this hope within us and this exciting mission before us and yet so many just sit and talk about it? Why do we talk about our "calling" and the "mission field" as though it is something we find, or something we need to go to? The mission field is right before our eyes? Every person we pass, every interaction we have THERE is our calling! How prideful we have become to think that God has this special, set about route for us, that takes years of discovery and a series of inexplicable events to find! He has given us our calling and that is to love and I believe that as we live in that love he opens up doors of opportunity to love more. John 13:34-35 says "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way that I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples-when they see the love you have for each other." Love is not this fluffy feeling, love spurrs us into action, love fights for people, and stands against injustice. Please forgive me if I have allowed pride to once again slip in, or if I speak ignorantly, I know that once I get passionate about something I struggle to hold back so take what I say and challenge it if you so desire, tell me if you disagree but I had to get this off of my chest. I know that I may have come across arrogantly in this and forgive me if that was the case. I don't think that I have figured things out, or that I don't struggle every day with the fight against apathy. There is much that I am convicted with daily. Alright that is the end of my rant for today.