don't give up

I fought back tears as I headed to work, there was no way I'd show up to work for the third time in a week crying. I hate crying and I hate when people know I have been, so I tried to fight them before my eyes became red and buffy blowing my cover. Somedays I just want to give up, I grow so discouraged. Suddenly I become overwhelmed with all of crap going on. My problems which are so small comparison to so many other peoples become these mountains that I cannot climb. I know when I am upset like this I need to spend some time alone in prayer so that I can be refreshed and not react to people in light of how I am feeling. I do not find it fair when people rub their bad moods on others. So when I entered the restaurant having not had that time alone I was just sick. I didn't want my emotions to affect the way I treated others. It's not that I feel I need to be fake with people or act as though I have no problems because God knows I do, but I have made it my mission to do my best not add to the negativity in the world. There is so much pain and so much hurting, so many people speaking badly of people, judging, back stabbing, so much ill treatment that I do not feel I need to add to it. People need love, they need a smile when they are discouraged, they need a hug to lighten their day, an ear to listen, words to encourage, we need to be embraced for who we are no matter what we are like or what we believe. Everyone is unique and beautiful and I try to make it my point to crack through all the layers to find that person for who they are. God really convicted me early this summer to view every person I meet as an opportunity to love. I'm not called to expect things of people but just love with asking nothing in return. Once I began seeing things in light of this I had a paradigm shift. As I began to live this out my relationships with people at work especially have been so great and I could not express how thankful I am for each and every one of them. After just a few minutes of working suddenly my mood began to change. The heavy feeling suffocating me was lifted and I was once again brought to such joy. I am so thankful for the people I work with. Some of the people I have known for the past 9 years, others I've only just started working with but they are all so unique and amazing. They can make me so happy. I have been so blessed to have them in my life. Even more I am thankful for my Lord who blesses me even when I screw up. I was so discouraged for my failures and even when I have screwed up so badly he brings people into my day who are so kind to me. He doesn't condemn me for messing up, He embraces me and encourages me to keep fighting. He is my everything.